For the first time in Chile, the national day for “Non-partner violence” was commemorated on 7 February. Violence and mistreatment between young couples without cohabitation has been naturalised and justified under the pretext of love. A misunderstood love that begins to develop in the language that expresses ownership over the other person: my partner.
The day was chosen in memory of Antonia Garros who threw herself to her death, after two years of a toxic relationship of abuse and violence that had been observed and denounced by neighbours. According to an eyewitness, Antonia regretted going back into a relationship with her abuser; she was tired of him beating her, of his lies, and was ashamed of what her family would say.
February is also called the month of love due to the fact that on the fourteenth of the same month the “Día de los Enamorados” (Day of Lovers) is celebrated. During these days, as every year, we are exposed to gigantic communication campaigns that speak of an idealised love that does not take into account the reality that many couples of all ages experience. Antonia probably felt ashamed because she believed that she was incapable of living love according to the advertising canons.
Summer holidays are an ideal time to meet new people and start a relationship. It is an ideal environment, without the pressures of studies and work. It is a time to show your best side. The beginning of a relationship is idyllic. It responds to social stereotypes and one comes to think that it will be like this forever, just like in fairy tales.
Dating violence starts with behaviour that may seem harmless, which is described as unhealthy relationships. Obsessive and constant jealousy, invasion of their social networks, posting of intimate pictures, control of calls and conversations, isolation from friends and family, denigrating jokes, strong language, insults, disrespect, etc….
The national day for nonviolence in the relationship seeks to make visible a reality that is normalised and invisible in the first stages and absolutely hidden when it is serious. In the 2nd Study on Gender Violence among School Adolescents carried out by Fundación Semilla in 2019, commissioned by the National Institute of Human Rights (INDH), it showed that 49.6% of those who have or have had a relationship declare having been victims of violent practices by their partner and 37.7% of those who have or have had a relationship declare having incurred in violent actions against their partner.
It is possible to detect unhealthy relationships and thus open ways to avoid physical, psychological, economic or sexual violence. To do this, it is necessary that those affected know and become aware of the first inappropriate behaviour and do not justify it by saying: “he does it because he loves me so much”. The same applies to family and friends.
The fact that a national day for nonviolence in relationships has been established in Chile is an opportunity for reflection and education about this scourge that affects the lives of a significant percentage of young people.
